This is a conversation between me and Bonnie that we wrote in my red velvet journal.  I’m not sure on the date because there wasn’t one at the top of the page, so I just guessed:

B:  I’m confused!

C:  About?

B:  I feel empty (and not of hunger).

C:  Of what, then?

B:  I feel like there is something missing in our relationship.

C:  Like?  What part of our r’ship?

B:  I’m not sure.  I sometimes – like now – think that I need something more.  I’m not sure what it is but it is really scary.  I feel like everything I ever do and want to do is for your benifit.  I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

C:  Do you think that maybe it’s that one special organ I don’t have?

B:  No. You know that it’s not the special organ. It’s the hiding and shit. The reason we are writing instead of talking is because I find it easier. If you want to talk instead, say something.

C: What am I aupposed to do.  I can’t try any harder, BonniE.  I don’t know what else you want.  Hell, I don’t think there’s much else of me to give.

B:  I’m not asking you to give more.  We are both trying and I don’t know what else to do either.  Do you feel the same way I do?  Do you know how many people love you.  I know it doesn’t matter if you don’t love them back.  I think you fight it too hard when someone even LIKES you.

C:  What are you talking about?  Like who?  I VERY lost!