May 24, 1992

Well, last night had to be among the most emotional of my life. I had never thought that our relationship would come to that. I don’t care what she says, she is still my best friend. It’s not that we can’t talk anymore, but just not about the same things. I remember one time we were coming back from the mall, and I told her that I didn’t like being to where we couldn’t tell each other everything like we used to. She said that it would never be the same and I agreed.  She said that she wouldn’t change anything and that she liked what we had now better. God, I love her so much. I can’t say that I haven’t felt the same scared, trapped feelings the she has now. Maybe it never showed, but I was really scared, too. But, then, I realized, “what am I scared of?” I have her to be by my side through it all, and that’s the only thing that matters.  I love her so much, maybe at times, even too much. I know it can be smothering at times. As time passes, it gets a little better, at least for me.  I get a little more secure, so I don’t need to hold on as tight. I’m trying my damnedest, because I know I’ll never keep her beside me by trying to force her. That’s something that she has to want, as much as I do. I can’t make it work, because it’s half her part, too. I really don’t know what I’d do without her. She is my everything. I know that isn’t healthy, but who cares? I’m really trying, baby. There’s nothing I want more than to make US work.  You are the most beautiful, perfect thing to ever happen to me. All I ask is that you don’t give up on me.  We’re not always going to be in each other’s face constantly, like we are now.  It’s all a part of the changes we are going through now.  You said you’re changing.  I never expected you to stay the same.

You’re not the same as you were a year ago, nor the same as you will be a year from now.  If we stayed the same, we’d never grow.  It would get boring.  I think that’s one thing that you may be really scared of…that we’ll change, but in opposite directions.  I don’t worry about that, too much.  We have gone through too much, and too long.  We can’t change THAT much.  And, even if we do, we’ll deal with it.  Don’t give up hope, baby, it’s built in my name…