Sept. 9, 1996

I guess this thing has sort of become a diary. I had to train some new people at work today – Molly and Neal. I had an anxiety attack right before I left work. I just wanted to get out of there. It’s so weird – not even something I can explain. Mom said I looked "wild in the eyes – like you were gonna kill somebody." I couldn’t help it – I just wanted to get home. I guess it was just all the stress of having to answer questions all day. I’m sure it will be better tomorrow. All the progress I’ve been making an now this. I’m dealing with it, though. I can’t let it to get to me, or discourage me from getting through this. Mom said, "No wonder Bonnie wanted you to move out". I just don’t understand why she has to say something like that. It’s hard enough trying to get through this crap without her saying things like that. This is kind of good therapy, just writing down everything that comes out. How am I ever going to get back to a normal mentality. Is it even possible. Now is one of those things when I could really use a talk with Brooke. When I have this happen, I wonder if I’m crazy. I don’t think I am, and I don’t think I need to be on medication, but this stuff is just so freaky. I know it’s all just ’cause I let myself get worked up. I just need to realize that all this is part of healing. It’s not all gonna be good. I have come a long way from 2 months ago. I just have to be patient and keep reminding myself that it’ll go away. I just have to make it.