Nov. 7, 1996

I’m sitting here watching Turning Point’s show on same-sex marriage. I’m so jealous. I want to get marrid so bad. It’s kinda hard to think about marriage when Bonnie doesn’t even want a relationship. I regret that we didn’t do it, but, then, I’m glad. It would be harder if we had promised to be together in front of everyone. It’s bad enough that we said it to each other.

I don’t know what’s going on with us. I guess things are getting better. I hate to say. She spent the night and we had a nice time. She doesn’t tell me she loves me. I guess that should probably speak loud enough for me to hear. I guess I just want to think that she doesn’t want me to get my hopes up about everything. I don’t know.

I keep thinking about how I want to do so many things – as far as a wedding goes – I want us to get our names changed, get papers drawn up and everything. I just love her so much. When she came over last night, I wasn’t expecting her. I called over there and she said she had to cancel our dinner plans for tonight becaus she had to work tonight. Then, she’s going to New Orleans tomorrow, and is gonna be gone and we won’t get to do anything for a couple of weeks, I’m sure. I told her that I was really tired of our plans getting screwed up all the time. She said she was really sorry. I told her to just call me when she wasn’t doing something else. Twenty minutes later she came over. I heard the knock on the door and I told Willie I would die if it was her. My mouth just about hit the ground when I opened the door. We went in the kitchen and she hugged me and told me she was really sorry and that she would make it up to me. I told her that it was looking like she wouldn’t have a chance because it kept getting screwed up. She apologized again. We slept together. It was pretty awesome. We couldn’t make a whole lot of noise, so that took a little away from it. But, we didn’t really cuddle when we went to sleep or anything, but we were tired.

God, I wanna get back into school. I need to call H&R Block. I want to do tax returns. Everybody I know thinks I’m warped. They don’t know shit. I think it’s interesting.

I need to go take a bath and eat something, so I can lose this little buzz I have.