Wow, a whole week since I posted last.  Can’t honestly think of a whole lot that has happened worth reporting on.  More or less a pretty blah week, with a few notable happenings, I suppose.  The title of this post is a line from a song by Sixx:AM of the same name (Courtesy Call).

The most interesting, perhaps, is the fact that I have a meeting at B3 on Tuesday. I had contacted Mike a few weeks ago and then saw they posted an ad on Craigslist for some contract help, so I responded.  A lady from up there, Anna, called me and wants me to come in and show them some recent work and talk to them, etc.  In a way, it feels like a real step backwards, but work is work, I suppose.  I’m not getting roped into working in their office again, so I will definitely make that clear when I meet with them.

I finished up the Momentum home page and did a quick logo/business card for Kim and started on a web site page layout for her as well.  I started working on my Cayenne cards based on the Roundhouse cards I had designed when we first started talking about doing a business together.  I really want to do something awesome, but it seems hard for me to get out of the habit of doing the same thing. While it’s still above-average, I find it boring.

I spent over an hour on chat with HP tech support trying to figure out if I can get sound from the speakers in both my monitors. The short answer: no.  However, I can disable the sound in the primary monitor which is using an HDMI connection and use the speakers in the secondary monitor in addition to external speakers, so who knows what I’ll end up doing.  I may just hook up my old speakers and call it a day.

I finally called Mom’s friend, Becky, the other day. I talked to Mom and she said she’d put on 13 pounds of fluid and that her legs were all swollen and full of fluid. It sounds gross, not to mention not remotely healthy.  I called Becky and asked what she thinks I should do re: Mom. I told her I did a reverse lookup on the phone number that was at the top of the fax she sent me on Mom’s behalf in order to get her number since Mom won’t even tell me Becky’s last name.  I told her I wanted her to at least have my phone number in case anything happens.  She said she fully expects to find her in the house one day when she goes over there. She said Mom is the most non-compliant patient she’s ever had and that I need to make peace with the fact that Mom is resisting other options to improve her situation. I got really upset and sent an email to my Dad, my Uncle Tom, Deidre and my Aunt Mary asking for advice on what they think I should do.  Since then, Mom has been taking fluid pills and has lost all but a few pounds of the weight she had put on.  I just don’t know.  A big part of me feels that, if that’s how she wants to live her life, it’s not my right to force anything else on her.  The thought of forcing her out of her house just kills me and I wouldn’t want to upset her to the point of giving her a heart attack, which would kill her anyway.  The other side of me feels like maybe I’m just avoiding having to make a decision, trying to convince myself that it’s her right to do what she wants.  But, in the end, as my counselor said, “Is it your issue? Is it their issue? Is it God’s issue?”.  Really, as much as I’d like to feel like I’m obligated to take care of her, it IS her life, after all.  I’m having problem enough taking care of myself these days.

I went to see Beverley yesterday and spent a lot of the time talking about Mom and the whole situation and how I feel guilty for being so far away and confused about what to do.  I also told her how I feel like when I’m out in public, I’m always looking around at other people, walking or driving or whatever and thinking how I bet they don’t have to deal with feeling freaked out every time they step out of the house.  She said, “In the spirit of continuing to contradict you…” and whipped out a newspaper that talked about how 1 in 8 people will deal with an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives and something like 13% of people suffer from social anxiety.  It made me feel a little better, I guess, but I told her that I just feel mostly angry at having to deal with it at all.  She said that’s OK, but while I’m feeling that way, why not try to develop some other skills to help me along. Fair enough.