Tuesday, June 16, 2009 – 10:02pm – Couchopolis, Burnaby, BC

I’ve been thinking lately that I feel like my life doesn’t have much meaning at this point in time.  When my Mom was around, I felt needed. I felt like I had a reason to keep my head above-board, because I knew she needed me and I was all she really had in a lot of ways. Of course, were it not for Becky and my Aunt Betty, my Mom would have had a much harder go of it.  My Dad doesn’t need me – he has Marlene and I’m glad he does.

It’s times like this when I feel like I envy people who have husbands/wives and kids. They have something to keep them going, something bigger than themselves to focus on. Even if I just had a partner that I was really WITH, that I was really sharing my life with, working together towards common goals, I would feel less empty.

I feel a little lost with regards to what my purpose is. I feel like I’m just sleepwalking through life right now. Maybe it’s normal considering all I’ve been through over the past year.

For now, I am focusing on work, trying to change my thinking so that I feel better, and spending more time around people so that I feel less anxious when I do.

Going to watch a little TV, wait for my Panago pizza to arrive and then get back to work on the PaceSetter stuff.