Wednesday, February 17, 2010 – 12:08am – Beddinghampshire, Burnaby, BC

I am so upset right now. I saw Pasha online earlier and sent her a message to ask how my cousin Craig Bush’s funeral was. She had called me on Saturday night to tell me that he had been killed in a car accident. He was only 27 years old and had just gotten married in November. When I asked about the funeral, Pasha asked me to call her because she needed to talk to me about something.

Long story short…they ended up burying Craig next to my Mom. I am devastated. He was supposed to be buried next to my grandfather but apparently there was not enough room between the two graves (3 foot when it was supposed to be 4) to put Craig there, so they decided to put him next to my Mom, which technically was not supposed to be a plot either because of the proximity to the road that runs through the cemetery.

I am really struggling with trying to not be selfish at such an awful time for my family. I have been thinking about how devastating it is to my Uncle Dennis and Aunt Debbie and Craig’s wife. I called Uncle Dennis’ house on Sunday to talk to them and he couldn’t even talk on the phone. Aunt Debbie held together pretty well when I talked to her, but I know it’s one of those things where you’re numb and raw all at the same moment.  Even in light of all that, with the news about the cemetery, I am heartbroken at the idea that I will not be able to take my place next to my Mom when my time comes.

I had already talked to my Aunt Mary and told her that when I got some money, I wanted to buy the plot next to my Mom so that I could get a double headstone with our last name on it with one for her and one for me. Now, I won’t be able to do any of that.

I just don’t know what to do – not like I have control over any of it at this point anyway. But, how do I reconcile that such a personal thing was taken away without even having been told before it happened?