Perhaps the carpetbangers were a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is meant to help jolt me out of my up-til-5am-sleep-til-noon sleeping pattern. It’s not that I like sleeping in to an unreasonable hour, it’s that I can’t seem to force myself to go lie down or to fall asleep at a time that would allow me to wake at a normal hour. BTW, normal hour to me is in the 9:30-10:00 time bracket.
I went to the counsellor today with a sense of dread. When I was there last time (two weeks ago since I didn’t go last week due to the wine-induced hangover which I copped to right away when Eleanor inquired as to whether I was feeling better), the supervisor came in and said she was going to join us for the next session and they were going to talk about trying to help me find a place that was the right fit for me. I didn’t know exactly what they meant by that and I was preoccupied off and on with the notion of being “fired” by my shrink.
I got in and started to talk about what I had thought about since the last session and me asking them to try something different, give me some skills or tools to use in real-world situations. I told Eleanor that I thought it made sense for everyone concerned that they try to adapt to the needs of their client if the client is telling them clearly that what they’re suggesting is not working. The gist of it is that Eleanor is at the beginning of her Master’s program and isn’t experienced enough and doesn’t have enough tools in her arsenal yet to be able to adapt to trying something else. Additionally, the issues that I need to work on are ongoing, long-term and we all agree that I would be better off finding someone that I can see long-term on an ongoing basis, rather than having to start over with someone new at NWCC every few months. I told them I had thought about this at the end of my sessions with Robb and wasn’t sure if it was good practice for me to have to let go of someone that was in my life or if I was wanting to keep the same person to avoid the ensuing loss.
But, I think in this case, it’s a matter of I need someone that I can work through the whole process with, sans the abrupt cut to a different person and having to start over again with explaining the situation, them getting to know me (and me, them) and building rapport. That stuff takes time and to get past that each time and then to slide back to square one sucks. So, I’m on the hunt for someone I can see on an ongoing basis. They gave me a list of a few places and I phoned one of them to check it out already, but it was $150 a session when Karen only charges $95! She gave me a few names, so perhaps I’ll phone a couple of them and inquire as to rates and try to find out more about their personalities.
I had a really good conference call with Carla Rankel at PatientLink/Genius Products today after my appointment. She wanted to talk to me about re-designing the Genius Products corporate web site. They distribute all sorts of movies, including Shut Up and Sing, Derailed, Scary Movie and Sicko. Pretty neat! I told Carla that I have always been a movie buff and have always wanted to get into designing DVD covers and such. She suggested that perhaps she could introduce me to the marketing person there and it was all I could do to stop myself from immediately jumping up and down with excitement at the prospect! She also said something about them flying me down to Santa Monica to meet with them for a couple of days during the project – too fucking cool! Just the idea of a client spending the cash (she said they would “of course cover those expenses”) to fly me down to meet with them makes me feel supa-fly! lol And, at the conclusion of the call, I did, literally, get up and jump up and down and screech with glee. lol What a dork! 😀
I went for a walk at the park with my iPod and, damn…..the most dangerous thing about having an iPod is the amount of effort it takes to not sing out loud in public! I failed miserably for the most part, but tried to limit my vocal stylings to when other parksters were out of earshot. I listened to the Dixie Chicks album Taking the Long Way. God, that gets me pumped up!
Carla sent me a contractor’s agreement to look over and I highlighted a couple of iffy sections and sent it back to her. We’ll see how it goes.
I’m off to Tracey’s now. We’re going to go downtown to the Waterfront and enjoy some hot tub and exercise time. I’ve not seen her since Monday morning and, after some of the talks we’ve had over the past couple of days, I’m worried about my ability to stick to my guns in my demands, so to speak.