Wednesday, November 25, 2009 – 9:51am – Beddinghampshire, Burnaby, BC
I just woke up from some really messed up dreams about my Mom. This time, I was at the funeral home with her and she was alive and I was talking to her – she looked really young and healthy and her hair was short; about shoulder-length – and they were hurrying us out the door as she was having to climb into the casket. It seemed (obviously) odd to me that she was having to get into it while she was still alive, knowing they were going to close it and she would die. How fucked up is that?!?!?!
Worse yet, I was dreaming that both my Mom and Verdie were having their funerals at the funeral home at the same time. So, I saw both of them in the caskets and was comparing how they looked. I just fell to the ground wailing several times in the dream. I fkn hate dreams sometimes. It’s nuts how vivid a scenario your brain can conjure up when you’re asleep. It looks and feels so real. It’s really strange.
I woke up just when she was climbing into the casket. Even she was hesitant about it.
In 10 days, it will be one year since she died. Unbelievable. It’s been weighing on my mind pretty heavily. I think because it’s going to be the holidays soon and also I know I’m going down there to visit for the first time when she’s not the main person I’m going to see. Last time I went down was different. It wasn’t a “visiting” trip.
Yesterday was a pretty good day. I woke up a little after noon and called Tracey to see if she wanted to go see New Moon. I had an appointment at the clinic to get checked out and they managed to squeeze me in early. Went over to the mall to meet Tracey and wasn’t overly impressed with the movie. I thought the storyline sucked, though ogling Taylor Lautner’s torso was nearly worth the price of admission. Also, Taco Bell tacos ROCK!
After the movie, I wanted to get a haircut. Went by Aura but Soo wasn’t there, so I went to Revolutions and a woman named Michelle cut my hair. I’m not thrilled with how it looks, but haven’t tried styling it yet, so who knows. Tracey drove me to Mr. Ho to get some food and dropped me at home. I ate and laid around and talked to Laina on the phone, on the Internet and on video chat for a while. I read some of Serena’s biography and ended up going to sleep about 3:30am and woke up about 9:30am from the aforementioned bad dreams.
Think I’m going to snooze for a little bit and then take a walk and go by the library to pick up the DVDs I have on hold; something one of the designers on one the lists I’m on mentioned, called National Parks: America’s Best Idea. Sounds interesting!