A friend/ex-client sent me a message via Facebook to ask how I was doing, if I’m keeping busy etc.   Below is my response to him which I’ve pasted in because it’s too damned late/early to re-write the whole thing:

Busy?  Well…hmmmm…Thinking a lot, but don’t seem to be doing much.
Stressed out in general which should make me dive into work (or, at this
point, marketing, since I don’t really have much work happening at the
moment…supposed to have a couple of new projects coming on board
shortly), but it tends to have the opposite effect on me…distract myself
doing other things, which only really makes me feel worse in the end.  A
vicious circle, so I gotta snap myself out of it and get something
accomplished.

I’m actually only awake now because I couldn’t fall asleep due to chatter
going on in my head about one situation I’m dealing with at the moment.
You seem like a fair and level-headed guy, so I thought you may be able to
offer some unbiased advice on how to handle this particular issue.  I
apologize in advance for how long the explanation of the situation may be,
but it’s been back and forth a few rounds, so I want to make sure to
present you with all the facts! lol

I have a friend (someone I met at a networking meeting a couple of years
ago) who is also a client.  Since we met, I’ve done several things for her
in trade or for super cheap because we’re friends.  Back in March or so,
this friend/client decided to go ahead with a new logo/ID/web site project
with me, for which I gave her a great deal $$ wise and also agreed to some
first-time-ever stretched-out payment terms.  So, she gives me a deposit,
we get started brainstorming, but she’s still in the phase of coming up
with a name. Even though it’s not part of the scope of work, since we’re
friends, I spent hours pouring over the dictionary/thesaurus and going
back and forth with her via phone and email on various name ideas, many of
which she shot down right away.  After a while, she finally decided on a
name and it was one of the ones I had come up with and suggested to her.

So, she applies for trademark and then finds out it’s going to take a year
or something to process and find out if she gets the trademark for the
name or not. So, she calls me up a couple of months ago and asks if I can
refund the $1000 she gave me as a deposit (which was still only a fraction
of the full project amount and less than I normally require to get
started) until the trademark goes through since she doesn’t want to start
in earnest until she’s sure she gets the trademark.  She figured she could
use the money she had given me as a deposit now and we would start anew
when the trademark thing was dealt with.  Now, it’s important to note that
my contract has specific terms that state that deposits and payments are
non-refundable and may not be applied to any other project than the one
for which those payments are remitted.  I added this in after having
clients change their minds mid-stream and then try to get me to do some
other project for them, meanwhile having a half-done project in progress
for which they think I should just forgive any time that’s already spent
on that.  So, in goes the contract lingo and all is good (or so we
think…)

As you may or may not know, coming from a family that never had much money
at all and having no knowledge about financial management or budgeting,
etc. I’ve been a bit of a nightmare with finances and, due to the sporadic
nature of the biz, have gotten behind with CRA.  So, I am trying to get
caught up myself and tried to explain to my friend/client that I just
don’t have an extra $1000 sitting in my account to refund to her months
after she gave me the cheque.  I told her that, even though it was
contrary to the contract terms, I would be happy to do some other work for
her to work off what she’d given me in an effort to give her something for
her money right now and that, if I could find a way to do so, I’d try to
give her SOME of what she had given me back as a refund.  This year has
been slow for me by comparison to last year, so I’ve been squeaking by on
what’s been coming in and I haven’t had extra cash to offer to her.  She
had asked me about a problem she has been having with her web hosting
company so I offered to host her web site for her which would take $200
off the deposit she gave me for a year’s worth of hosting.  This would
mean she wouldn’t have to pay her hosting company anymore and that would
bring the $1000 she put out of her pocket down to $800.

So, long story short (I think it’s too late for that, eh? lol), we have
been back and forth several times by email in which she laments how hard
her situation is right now – just had a baby less than two years ago while
her husband was still in college and he’s just now trying to get a
job..not the smartest choice for timing to breed, n’est-ce pas? And,
unbelievably, she’s now pregnant again with their second child.  She keeps
saying ‘how upset’ she is about the whole situation and has even said
something to the effect of she knows how much I make and insinuates that I
obviously am doing better than I let on and should be able to pay her.  I
tried to explain to her that while, on the outside, it may look like I’m
doing really well, I am struggling too due to a number of reasons – one
being that I am on my own and responsible for my own expenses and
finances…I don’t have a spouse with whom I share living expenses and
income.  In general, I feel like she has been trying to take advantage of
my generosity and of our friendship and is also more or less suggesting
that I choose taking care of her and her family over taking care of
myself, which is ridiculous and something I would not ask of her, even if
I was pissed off that I had made a decision to which I was now committed
even if something had changed on my end.  I feel like a grown-up would
realize that the change had occurred on their side and wouldn’t fault or
try to guilt out the person on the other end in an effort to resolve the
issue.

My last response to her most recent nagging email was that I really didn’t
feel it was fair that she was making me the bad guy when I have done
absolutely nothing wrong in this situation – she is the one who wanted to
do the project, agreed to the terms, signed the paperwork and gave me a
cheque.  Ideally, yes, I’d be happy to give her a refund, but given that I
can’t do that, does she really expect me to overextend myself to rectify a
decision she made?  I have offered to do other work for her, host her
site, etc. and it seems the only thing she will be happy with is a refund
and I simply can’t offer that at this point.  And, honestly, the more she
badgers me about it, the more pissed off I am getting at having all this
additional stress put on me for something that’s not my friggin’
responsibility to begin with!  I feel like she’s friggin’ CRA or a bill
collector popping up in my inbox to stress me out for another round.  And,
I’m *THIS* close to just saying “Look.  I’m sorry this has happened this
way, but I’m not giving you a refund, so we can work it off some other way
or we can start on your project when you’re ready to go. Now, stop
harrassing me.” That’s why we had a contract – so everyone understands
their responsibilities and expectations!!!

So, anyhow…what do you think I should do at this point?  She just sent
me ANOTHER email last night once again expressing her upset at the
situation. It’s not that I WON’T do anything about it, I just CAN’T – a
point I’ve made abundantly clear to her, but she seems to think I’m just
blowing her off or whatever.

Unfortunately, I’m a people-pleaser and I hate feeling like I’m hurting
someone or not giving them something when they ask for it.  But, I’m
really getting to the point of saying screw the friendship, if she’s gonna
continue to press the issue, I’m going to handle it like I would with any
other client – sorry, no refunds, but I’m happy to try to accommodate you
some other way.

Do you have any thoughts or ideas on how to proceed from here with the
situation?  I fully believe that, were she to try to sue me (which I don’t
think she would do, but we have to consider these things…), the law is
totally on my side since I have her signature on a contract that clearly
says no refunds.  And, I’ve made a concerted effort to suggest other means
by which she can recup some of her deposit, but it doesn’t seem to be
acceptable.

ARGH!  I could go on and on, I’m sure, but God, this is long enough as it
is! SORRY!  :-O