March 25, 1992

Well, finally, it’s only one more day until my birthday. My mom called me last night and I was crying. She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I couldn’t tell her. She said "Do you miss me?" I said, "Yes." She said she missed me too. I think we just need some time away from each other. I want to try to be more giving and understanding, but I can’t do that alone. If she wants to try, then I’ll try, but I can’t go back there until I’m sure, and that will take a while. If I went back now, it might be okay for a while, but then it would just end up going back to the same thing again, but it would be worse than before. I just can’t take going through that again. I think once we realize that we do need each other a lot more than we ever thought, things might be better between us, because I couldn’t go through my life knowing that my mom hates me. especially when it would be lingering in my mind that maybe I could’ve done something more or something different to make it turn out different. We only get one mother, and I’d like to have her there when I need one…