October 11, 1996

It’s been a while since I wrote in here. Maybe that’s why I’m in such a bad mood. I’m house-sitting for Mike. This is the third night. Bonnie was supposed to come over Wednesday night, but went out to New Orleans with James. She had a shitty time, which, in a hateful way, makes me happy. I’m tired of being put off and treated like a toy of convenience. I am a human being, dammit and she treats me like a fly – nagging, bugging her.

(Two poems that were undated and written on the next page)

Sitting and wondering
Hoping and worrying
What will happen
When it all turns out
Where will we be
Together, you and me
Or in our own worlds
Somewhere in between
It hurts me so bad to think
That we may not see tomorrow
As two parts of a wonderful thing
You are my friend and lover
I want you for all my life
When we meet again, my love
You will be my wife

Love, you are the thorn in my side
Silvery blade piercing my breast
Blessed and cursed
The worst and the best
Light shines brighter
Darkest blackened night
You bring me happiness like no other
Then shower me with tears
You may a rocky path
To walk with bared feet
When I should turn away
I brave your storm again
You burn my hands with fire
Then cool me with soft winds
Show me what you will
I will face you once more
For it is you I long for
My lighthouse on the shore